Local ice cream investigator tests limits of this creamy treat


Green Laker Reporter Ariana Hones is very excited to eat her “Happy Birthday to You” ice cream “Crazy Shake.”  Laura Lyke photo

by Ariana Hones

How much ice cream can the human body truly handle?

What would it feel like to consume 10 scoops of ice cream in two hours?

Detective Ariana Hones set out to solve these essential inquiries.

After all, summer is the time of swimming, sunburns and sweet treats.

Green Lake, for its size, does pretty well in the ice cream shops per capita, so I decided that it would be the perfect place for an extravagant ice cream tour.

Some people may ask, “Ariana, why don’t you split up the tour over a couple of days? That much ice cream in one sitting is ridiculous.”

To them I say a phrase that has guided me with relative success through my 22 years: “Go big or go home.”

With this guiding meditation in mind, Laura Lyke, my ice cream touring companion, and I set off first to Bayview Landing Ice Cream Parlor.

Quaint, homey and nostalgic of childhood ice cream cones by the waterside, I felt the Landing would be the perfect place to begin out quest.

Although my sugar-loving self always leans towards cake batter ice cream, we decided to settle on a more unusual flavor: 1950s Dreamsicle, as recommended by the nice lady behind the counter.

Creamy swirls of orange and white served in a perfectly portioned dish.

As Laura and I tucked in to our first treat, memories of Dairy Queen orange Dilly Bars, ice cream truck creamsicles and begging my mother at the grocery store for ice cream on sticks also swirled around inside of me.

Delicious.

In the name of this scientific inquiry, we didn’t have time to do much savoring and soon we were off to the next stop: Guth’s Candy Shop.

Again, going after the unusual, we decided upon the Green Lake Monster Flurry, a candy-loaded vanilla ice cream mixer.

“With whip cream?”

Duh.

Laura and I ate upstairs at Guth’s, which if you haven’t been there yet, you are missing something special.

The couches are perfect for laying down on as the sugar rush takes over.

“Can we make it?” I pondered aloud.

We were only two stops in and already I was beginning to doubt this quest.

“Yes, of course,” Laura reassured.

After all, as we had spent our childhood with desserts constantly in our hands, some could say we had been training our entire lives for this adventure.

We were going to power through.

Thus, we were off once again to the Little Corporal.

After taking a quick stop in Town Square to bring some ice cream to our brothers, Marcel Hones and Chris Lyke, who work for the Green Lake Association, we settled down to biggest challenge yet: the “Happy Birthday to You” ice cream “Crazy Shake.”

Cake batter ice cream blended with slices upon slices of pound cake. The glass dipped in frosting and then dipped in rainbow sprinkles.

The epitome of ice cream extravagance.

“With whip cream?”

Duh.

“I think my body is shutting down,” I said to Laura.

It was so deliciously sweet.

How much ice cream can the human body truly handle?

The “Happy Birthday to You” shake was unearthing the answer to this question.

We almost finished it.

With our stomachs stuffed (thankfully we both wore loose clothing) and our eyes slightly crazed with sugar, we decided we could push through to our last tour stop: the Pump House Parlor at the Heidel House.

For those thinking about going on their own ice cream tour, definitely include a nice long walk in between stops.

It really helps.

At the Pump House, we got Coffee and Cookies. It came with plastic spoons that changed colors when dipped in ice cream, which arguably was our favorite part of the experience.

We left the Pump House bloated and beat. Eating that much ice cream takes a physical toll.

As our afternoon of walking through picturesque Green Lake and reliving the simple joy of cold treats on a hot day came to a close, my heart and stomach felt full.

We had gone big. Very big.

Now it was time to go home.

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